The topic of boundaries requires our fastidious attention. We all know a person with power who is asking for more, demanding schedules that are constantly unsatisfied, never-ending workloads that require dedicated allegiance; failure is inevitable.
It doesn't stop there. We then add to this burden the self-imposed weight of social media popularity, the need to stay on top of the next big news story, and I cringe to mention the pressure we put on ourselves as our fantasy sports preferences doom us to relentless trash-talk of coworkers and peers. The pressures are incredible.
An understanding of boundaries gives us permission to identify our spaces of undue stress and, for a brief moment, create a reprieve as we honestly evaluate our capacity to handle this stress. The conversation is typically focused on areas where OTHERS have overstepped and how we can keep them at bay.
But before you assess if another person is out-of-bounds, the most pressing question about boundaries is, "Have I stepped out of bounds?"
We live in a world quick to assign grievances to others without taking personal responsibility. We need to be careful that we do not fall into this same trap. Before we impose a boundary on others, we need to assess if we have given reason for the grievance.
Here are two of the most difficult ministry boundaries for me to enforce in my own life.
No Competition Boundary
I naturally turn everything into competition. A few years into ministry, I realized that it was super hard to live out the "believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things" that Paul writes about in 1 Corinthians 13. To believe the best, speak well, and pray blessings on other pastors, I needed to put up a boundary against competition.
You might also need put up a boundary against competition. This Sunday, a student came up to me to inform me that she was going to attend a large event with another youth ministry. Although I care for this student, I was not defensive about the idea. I asked why she was attending with a different church. She smirked and said, "I think they are cooler."
No matter how confident you are, those kinds of conversations can be frustrating. They are made worse when you feel a need to prove yourself in the moment. I can tell when I get competitive because I start to be sarcastic. But before I could say something I would later regret, I said, "Well, I'm just glad you're able to go."
Leaders need to realize that us vs. them competition is alive and well in the American church. We need to be alert when people within the church provoke a competitive spirit against other ministry personalities. It may be happening even within our church staff. When we stop competing against other Christians, it changes fighting against people to battling ALONGSIDE fellow Jesus followers. When I feel like other Christians are stepping into my territory, I know I'm walking in an unhealthy sense of competition.
You can identify if you have an unhealthy sense of competition in ministry:
- Can you see the needs of other leaders above their personal accomplishments?
- Is your leadership marked by Philippians 2:1-4, or are you making yourself look good?
- Can you confidently say that the attributes listed in 1 Corinthians 13 (the WHOLE CHAPTER) describe your leadership?
- Have you been striving to live out John 13:34-35 within your church staff, town, or church denomination?
Rest Boundary
Since everything becomes competition, I fight in every battle until I have nothing left to give, but I keep on fighting. People tell me to do something "fun" that will "recharge me" and without realizing it, I've cluttered my sabbath with "recharging" hobbies.
Jesus spoke to a world of trampled boundaries. The Romans were very oppressive; spiritual leadership had demanding regulations, and simple survival during his day was nothing compared to our roughest day as a modern human. It was to this world of crossed boundaries and oppression that Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls" (Matthew 11:28-29 NLT).
My most difficult boundary to keep is coming to Jesus for rest. My revitalizing hobbies have just become another self-imposed weight to my soul. I run to these "rest" spaces only to feel the pressure of life abating instead of having the Creator of the universe lift my burdens and replenish in ways only God can refill.
When I'm unrested, I feel like other people are intruding into my life. I assign boundaries for people unnecessarily. I can assess other people as out-of-bounds when, in reality, I'm the one who is out of control. Normal interactions become a burden, but it's not other people's fault; it's my own.
So, before you assign responsibility for undue stress to others, in what areas do you need to create boundaries for yourself? Is there a mandate that God requires for leaders that you have simply ignored? Have you been forcing others to live at a higher standard than you've required for yourself? Before we quickly assign boundaries to others, what areas are out-of-bounds in God's eyes, and how can I correct them to create greater health?
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Wayne Morgan is the National Ministries Director for NNYM. He's currently working with in collaboration with two other local youth ministries to help relaunch ministry to teens in his city of Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania.